Leave It to Me to Start Worrying . . .

I was just reading that people who have a way with animals are able to gain the animal’s trust quickly. This person usually has an affinity for nature. They are comfortable with silence and being alone.
A warm glow came over me until I read the last one: This person has strong control over their emotions, especially anxiety and fear-based ones. I’m supposed to get Tessa on Friday. Oh, crap. I’ve only got a few more days to fix that last one!

Putting My Trust In a Fur Baby

Baby Tessa, 5 weeks old. One pound, two ounces.

What motivates a person to write a memoir?  Many folks want to cement the story of their lives into family archives.  They enjoy learning the history of where they came from, who their people were, and that’s where it all begins. There was a time when my stepfather began studying our family’s genealogy, and a record of our family tree ensued. I pored over his typewritten pages, learning about people who existed one hundred years ago. I discovered that an uncle had killed his wife after catching her in a compromising way with a neighbor. We will never know why he didn’t kill the male offender, too, but the uncle later shot the man’s cow, so that would add insult to injury. I’d already heard about the kissing cousins who married and had fourteen children. They lost them all in one massive smallpox outbreak. The town buzzed with rumors about their traumatic loss. Was it punishment for engaging in an immoral relationship? My stepfather’s work on the family tree ended with his marriage to my mother, his brother’s wife.

I fall into the group of memoir writers who write personal stories as a way of releasing the constant ruminating. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. Right now, I’m excited that I will have something else to write about, too.

I’ll be bringing Tessa home soon. She’s nine weeks old today. It may not seem like a big deal to most people, but I don’t have the greatest track record with pets or people. Fear of failing as a friend, wife, mother, pet owner, is always foremost in my thoughts–and I have failed at all of those.  Rejection? Abandonment? Those are fears I want to face now. This pup needs a home, and I need her.  Scientific evidence reveals that animals can heal the human spirit. I’m hoping Tessa can help me learn to trust.

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Undervalued Homemakers

Feeling a little pissed today. I *get to claim Social Security on my taxes for the first time. I mostly stayed at home for 50 years, raising kids, teaching piano, working off my a** as mom, cook, maid, gardener, etc. My SS check would pay for one fancy meal out. Proof that women in the home back then had no value and why I heard over and over, “Oh, you don’t work?” “Lucky you, a housewife, you *get to stay home!” Now I realize my value was that of a flippin’ house mouse scurrying around in search of cheese and breadcrumbs.